In an attempt to follow through on my promise to talk about soccer for 1 week here on TGS, here’ s a little rant about soccer and this lovely country of our’s . . .

David Beckham’s arrival definitely has people more interested in professional soccer than is usually the case, particularly the domestic kind. His first game with the Galaxy earned a large TV audience for ESPN (when compared to stuff like billiards and post-2000 hockey). Kudos. But MLS won’t be saved by David Beckham, no matter how many Beckham jerseys are sold.

Why might you ask? I think it’s because the quality of play is awful and the game doesn’t translate well into the American TV culture. And let’s face it, what works on TV is what works in America. People aren’t much interested in sitting down for 45 minutes straight and watching guys almost-maybe-get-a-chance at scoring a goal.

Where’s the time for people to argue about plays? The play never stops. What about time to go grab another beer or refill the chips and salsa? You’ll have to wait til half time. The stupid hick-ass redneck uneducated racist NFL is the toast of our time and soccer couldn’t be further from that. At least in hockey the guys might drop the gloves or slam someone through the glass right? Some fashion mullet sporting European wants to fake an injury after falling over? Go to hell Jose.

That’s what people who know little about soccer are thinking. Those that are casual to sincere fans about the game are equally as indifferent to Beckham’s arrival because they know he’s not very dynamic as a player and that the MLS sucks. I saw some comments from the likes of Taylor Twellman (St. Louis represent) about how the first telecast was somewhat of a farce because ESPN focused so much on Becks chilling on the bench and on his hot wife in the stands.

Why weren’t they covering Houston’s game that day, promoting Twellman and Pat Noonan (STL again) in a matchup of top teams? Because the teams aren’t very good, relatively speaking. MLS ranks as possibly the 12th best soccer league in the world. I know that Twellman is a star in the MLS yet he can’t hardly crack the national team’s starting side, let alone get off the bench of any European club.

David Beckham in the MLS? It’s like Jeremy Roenick joining the ECHL and people expecting something more than a spectacle on JR. Grapes wouldn’t have that! The quailty of the league isn’t rising and neither are the attention spans of navy blue America.

Running around a field for an hour and a half is for our children. We want hot dogs and HGH, bitch. Even the Canadians don’t care. All they want is Don Cherry, a Labatt’s Blue and a tight-checking match up between the Leafs and the Habs.