0 score and four years ago, our fathers brought forth on this patch of grass a new party, conceived in lushness and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. We called it Special Olympiks, and dreamed it would see 50 Spring afternoons running here in the middle of Missouri.

Now we are engaged in a great war with the passing of time, the obligations of lives gone on, testing whether this party or any party so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. We are met here on our great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of this field as a final resting-place for those who here gave their lives and their livers that that party might live.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and drunk, who struggled here have emboldened it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what we did here. It is for us in the present rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished games which we who have fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.

It is for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored efforts in the past we take increased devotion to that cause for which we have given the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that our friends shall not have drank in vain, that this Olympiks under God shall have a new birth of freedom each Spring, and that party of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth. That is my promise to you, and your promise to me. Long live Special Olympiks, and let the games begin.

Interview with a Friend takes a run on the wild side this week, coming to you live from Key West, FL and Spring Break ‘08 (Year of Nate). Taking time to nustle up on the sand with us for a little talkie-talkie this time around is Bryan Rahn, a man who knows a thing or two about intimate one-on-one conversation. Uh-huh . . . conversation.

TGS: I’ve got a lot to say to you . . .
BR: I Notice your eyes are always glued to me. Keeping them here, and it makes no sense at all.

TGS: What do you think of the infamous, lawless land of Key West so far? Bout time you jumped on the bandwagon, only 48 years left of this.
BR: Let’s be honest, in my condition it’s probably more like 8 years left. But Key West has provided me with a weekend of sunshine, excess booze and lots of male nakedness. I was disappointed to find that apparently the 55 Vodka Red Bull tradition was replaced with 55 baskets of peel and eat “shrimps.”

TGS: I’m personally offended that Jarad Lanham is not in attendance this year. As “Karad” mania engulfs the nation’s attention, we sit here sans a founding member of the trip.
BR: He is a changed man. It’s a different trip without him tackling the Wild Turkey creature, but let’s face it. Without Kara, Jarad would probably be living in a dumpster.

TGS: I notice you’ve quickly been revamping your wardrobe out of the dark ages into a fashion-chic, skate/mid-range denim and striped top montage. What is at the center of your style?
BR: Call it where Junior High meets young executive. I like to consider myself to be an older version of the Tom Kissell Holliser. Sort of Nate’s GQ style on a budget. Like if I were in Junior High and worked at the mall, for example. Don’t worry though, I still have all my straight legged jeans, plaid button up short-sleeve shits and black boots for when they come back in style. Still, I don’t even wear high end denim.

TGS: It’s kind of the silent, yet visible manifestation of a revolutionized man isn’t it? I could drop a pic on this post from the ‘05 tailgate with a current photo of yourself and you would see a new man.
BR: Did you ever stop to ponder that mayhaps you all changed your style to match mine over the years and I didn’t change at all? Like in Jerry’s bizzaro world? No, that can’t be it. But I have so many people to thank for this. Just know that as I traverse the world, I carry a little piece of each of you with me. Seriously.

TGS: You’re an accomplished gambler and bookie. I myself owe my growing talents in roulette, craps and apparently Blackjack, to your wisdom. Give me some odds on these things below.
BR: 1. Deepak will eat 16 pieces of pizza tomorrow night. 3:1 - Though it is pronounced – PEE-zah.
2. Brant will name his 2nd child “Ron”. 1000:1. Jen never lets him name his kids after me.
3. You will move to Phoenix inside of 2 years. 2:1. And not just for the weather.
4. Big Joe, Nolte and Brant will start to recruit an “All-Balding” flip-cup team for tailgate ‘08. 4:1. And Donkey will shave his head in a feeble attempt to be accepted by anyone, at anytime, for any reason.
5. Brant over you in the first round (by TKO) of the coming pre-Special Olympiks V boxing match. Not sure what that’s about, Vegas has me as a 2:1 favorite.

TGS: Lollipop, lollipop coming up. Backscratcher. Bougeois, schwougeois.
BR: Apple Bottom Jeans. Sand Sniz. Muffdive?

TGS: Have you accomplished your goal of befriending women from each state and country yet? Which ones do you have left to check off?
BR: Lately I’ve hit the Eastern Bloc countries hard. I’m not sure if all of them are even countries anymore. I am well known around the Pacific Rim, and I terrorized the ladies of the south not long ago. Unfortunately the World Health Organization got word of my floozing and shit that shit down. I’m afraid I never really made it to Big Sky Country. Or the dark continent.

TGS: Name every team in the Mountain West conference.
BR: I cycled thru this just the other day. Also made it thru the Sun Belt and the Colonial before go time. I bet you’ve been impressed with the San Diego Toreros lately? Proud members of the West Coast conference.

TGS: What is your favorite memory of you and I, non-sexual?
BR: Does the bath circa Vegas ‘05 count? I found that comforting in a non-sexual way. If not then Vegas ‘07 when we robbed Bellagio and the Red Sea parted for us to go to the club where I did work. Then Big Joe bought a girl a Mandarin Vodka and Coke. Classy. This was followed by Clint telling Kristi – “You tell me what he’s doing? He sure as hell isn’t checking her for ticks.”

TGS: Talk to me a little about the old country. I know it was cold, but there had to be some hot moments. What did the cool kids do up in MN? Personal biases aside, I can’t imagine they were all in the band.
BR: It’s true. Most of the cool cats in the Great State of Minnesota get drunk and crash their snowmobiles into each other. Then they sink their pick ups in the lake because they thought ¼ inch of ice would hold it when they try to ice fish. Not too swift the Northerners. Hot Moments? Most of those took place in the back of a ‘94 red For Taurus. It’s a reasonable and practical family sedan.

TGS: Peak or valley?
BR: Life is all about peaks and valleys. This trip: Standing in line like poor people - Valley. Vodka Rocks – Peak. Flying commercial like poor people – Valley. Sunshine – Peak. Getting kicked of the beach and hotel within 1 hour - Valley. Ironing – Peak. Scavenging for scraps of food like pheasants – Valley. Fat Tuesday’s – Peak. The Dragon – Peak.

TGS: What does everybody get at Bangkok?
BR: Brant - Number 2, chicken, no onions at a 4. (He’s never met a vegetable he likes)
Brittany – Number 1, chicken, no peanuts, at a 2. (She will eat only two bites max)
Dipps – The special. (Sandwiched between jokes about Cablelesschick)
Cullen – Number 1, chicken, no peanuts at a 3. (I am not fully sure he embraces the Cock however.)
Nate – 15, chicken, 3. (This will be inhaled in 3.7 minuets flat)
Burcheck – Whatever Nate got. (He will also be wearing the same shirt, jeans and shoes and talking about his new favorite sport, hockey and the sweet goal Arsenal had on Fox Soccer Channel last night.)

TGS: Since you are a long-time Columbia local, humor me and tell me where the drink spots are on each night of the week. You can add any notes about said nights as well.
BR:
M – If I am forced to sit thru an insufferable ‘date nite,’ Monday night works well because there is no chance anything else is going on. I can use this opportunity to booze at dinner well she tells me how sophisticated she is. Yeah Right.
T – Tuesdays have a $1 bottle scent, a hip hop beat and a Russian feel.
W – Wednesdays I try to trick Nate into a sushi and sake nite. I am very good at this. Sake is the life water.
H – Jay Blue Jay and I have taken over for From and become Big 12/Tonic Thursday regulars. I just showed up to the party 7 years too late. But yeah, that’s right, they know us by name. Or at least the Southwest Visa card. I’m kind of a big deal.
F – Getting tanked at Studio 54, Las Vegas, Nevada
S – If it is not a tailgate, you will find me bellied up at the pub circa 5pm. I usually let Matt “The Biggest” Wanerski make the call here. I pretend I don’t want to go to the Vu with him, but secretly I demand it.
S – Even I don’t drink on the Sabbath. Ok that’s a lie. I booze lonely and by myself in my crappy apartment while I cry myself to sleep.

TGS: In the old SEGA days, who was better - You or Burcheck?
BR: I worked him all over the ice back then, and I will today. He usually blamed this on his (and only his) controller not working. We would switch, the result was the same, Calgary by 2.

TGS: As a player, you brought the body every night for the Senators. 5-time Norris Trophy winner.
BR: I am a notorious blue liner. If you sake into the zone with your head down, I’m going to deck you.

TGS: No no Danny? Thank you Danny?
BR: Yes thanks, I know.

TGS: Solve this math problem: 4 x 200 x 10 + 8.
BR: Oh ha, ha. The number of gin and tonics I drank in Key West plus the number of chicks I slept with while on the Island. Very funny. Dick. (Editor’s Note: The answer is “BOOB”).

TGS: Right on right on. Time to hit the old Flats -> Tuesdays -> Rick’s routine I say. Cheers from Florida dear readers. We’ll hit the Chopin for you.
BR: Agreed. I need to find someone to HH with. Let me close with a question for TGS. Recently you spent 9 of 11 days witnessing first hand the life of a nomadic, alcohol ridden lifestyle. Describe your experience in intimate detail.

TGS: Well I don’t think it would be proper for such a renowned blog to get into intimate details about a near-2 week likefest that involved a lot of heavy petting, licking, back rubs and airport spooning. When we were in that little plane from Ft. Myers it could have all ended and the one true regret would’ve been not having the materials to play Up-Down-Red-Black as we crashed into the Everglades. And I’m still impressed you didn’t drop your plate at the Wynn buffet. That was not a man, it was a disaster.

A brother’s gotta branch out and do new things, and I got to do that recently when I set out to make a video for one of my sugar daddies. I spent a day sitting on the set, watching take after take, offering up opinions. It was fun, and here is the final cut if you haven’t seen it, my video on VA Home Loans.
I am already fielding offers from KETC and WPN to produce 15-second spots for their Fall lineup.

On a more serious note, even the most primitive of web users are keen to the online video craze. Ideas and information can be more effectively conveyed through video. It definitely has taken the web some time to be able to support the media, but companies are catching on. I thought it time for us to take the leap.

Kudos to Steve Twitchell Production for a job well done. They are actually based in Columbia, MO and Steve’s done work all over the country. Next time you’re at the Omnimax in the STL, you’ll hear his voice telling you where to exit after the show. He was great to work with and a cool guy.

I doubt I have any readers that are Veterans or Active-Duty military, but if you are, the video might actually even be useful for you to watch. Everyone else can just tell me how they think the big calculator is funny and how it’s kind of cheesy. Yeah, well, it’s in the SERPs bitch and that’s all that counts.

Interview with a Friend is back this week after a little hiatus.  And what better way to make a splash than to feature everyone’s favorite friend, the Local Donkey.  Yes, you read that right.  Let’s get to know the beast.

TGS: Would you liken yourself to George Costanza?  That episode where he gets fired on Friday and then comes back to work Monday like nothing happened kind of parallels your current situation doesn’t it?
LD:  There is certainly evidence supporting your theory “Hi, my name is George, I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.”  I prefer to think of myself as more of a Kramer.  Sleep, do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off my neighbors and have sex without dating.  That’s me, except for the sex part.

TGS: Has your mom ever walked in on you during heat?
LD:  Nah, the grunting and the neighing usually get pretty loud so she knows when to steer clear of my room.

TGS: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
LD:  I like to get the Daily News.

TGS: I will say, I have been impressed with your ability to grill meats, create drop shadows, and burn CDs.  There’s a place for us all in this world.  Speaking of the meats, I sometimes like to talk about which of my friends I would eat first and why.  Please fill in what you think each of these people would taste like and why.
LD: Brant – Brant probably tastes like money.  Not old money though, just new money.
Rahn – Although I would never actually eat anything remotely Rahn related, I’m convinced that if I did, it would taste like an old tennis shoe, maybe a Chuck All-Star some homeless guy has been wearing since the late 90’s.
Jay – Very lean, like a good steak, if marinated correctly.
Nolte – Lot of fat here, very bacony.
Mike – I imagine Mikey would taste like these Hot Gyro Fries I had this past weekend.  French Fries (steak cut) with some hot feta cheese on top.  Add some cooked up gyro meat and some swiss on top of all of that and that’s what Mike would taste like.
Dipps – When you cook Dipps I think the room will permeate with that new car smell but he’ll actually taste pretty similar to Mike’s Worst Nightmare.
Your Sister – I’m not sure how I’m supposed to answer this.  Chicken?

TGS: Omar got got yo!
LD:  Oh indeed.

TGS: Please describe to me in 1 sentence your career in these sporting situations.
LD: High school wrestling:  Saw the lights of a lot of high school gyms as a wrestler.
High school soccer:  The bench was nice, Big Gay Rob and Jerry McD were pretty funny.
Touch football on Stankonia:  Torn ACL waiting to happen.
Indoor soccer in ‘06:  A lot of heart, a lot of hustle, and a distinct lack of skills.  That actually sums up my life pretty accurately.
O’Snaps softball:  Can’t hit, can’t run, can’t catch, you guys won’t let me off the bench, and I still got hurt.
SEGA hockey:  I feel I was a fine replacement for Mr. Blackmon and a fast learner.  Lead man gets the puck, always forecheck, bury the one timers.

TGS: 7 shots, 8 shots, 9 shots, 10 shots.  Hot damn boy that’s a lot of alcohol.
LD:  That would’ve been a really bad night for everyone if I hadn’t puked up those shots and the laxatives you and Jenkerson were putting in them.

TGS: How much did it cost for you to get the steering wheel moved from the right side to the left side in that Volvo wagon you used to drive?
LD:  I think that was the bulk of the $2,000 we paid for the car.

TGS: What South County bar is the best?
LD:  They’re all equally bad.  O’Leary’s is decent because I know the bartenders and get discounted drinks, always a must for an alcoholic.  I would never go to Hessler’s, but their pitchers couldn’t possibly get any cheaper.  Plus who doesn’t like running into Tiffany Trolinger, any combination of Baker brothers, Andy Luese, and Bobby Reese.  I hate my life.

TGS: Do you think you’ll always be a token SoCo bar rat?  Maybe later we can go grab some Whitie’s, cruise L-bergh and gain weight.  I can’t wait to go to your wedding at Two Hearts banquet center.
LD: No.  I will leave SoCo forever as soon as price isn’t the only determinant of where I go to drink, so maybe I won’t actually leave.

TGS: What is the key to making a great 3 bowls of pasta?
LD:  You’ve got to boil the water just right.  Oh, and copious amount of parmesan cheese.

TGS: Describe to me the progress you have made in the last few years in your efforts to revitalize the city of St. Louis.  If you want, I can leaflet the West End and try to get you elected alderman.  Or I can roofie Joe Edwards and you can take advantage of him.  You can give him the old 1-2 with a flamingo, live or stuffed.
LD:  As of right now the only progress I’ve made is pumping more money than I thought I had into the South County bar and restaurant scene.  Apparently I’m big on procrastination.  If I wasn’t I’d be spending all my time figuring out how to fix a broken schools system, lower crime, or at least the perception of crime, and get people to move into and stay in the city.

TGS: There’s a little segment in With Honors where Joe Pesci’s homeless character (who kinda looks like you) asks the anal roommate, “Why do you think the kids tease you so much Jeffrey?”.  He responds, “There jealous because I’m so handsome.”  Pause.  Pesci responds, “Do you know why you hate me so much Jeffrey?  Because I look the way you feel.”  Now, first of all, do you think the reason people like to razz on you so much is because of your good looks?  Also, do you look the way you feel?
LD: Yes and yes.  Pesci had a beard in that movie, didn’t he?

TGS: How many hours did it take you to shave your back before going to Vegas?
LD: It wouldn’t have taken so long if one of you guys had helped me out.

TGS: They don’t call you the best wheel man in the business for nothing.
LD:  Funny how they stopped calling me that after I used a curb to destroy a tire on your car.

TGS: Thanks for your time Gringo D., I’ll see you around the way.  Well, probably at Ronnie’s.
LD:  All in the game yo, all in the game

I’ve struggled to find a good topic to discuss lately, but a quip I saw yesterday made me think it was time to revisit an old maxim. The quote which caught my eye was:

“Initiative is the most significant differentiator in life. Ideas are plentiful, but action is the catalyst.”

Unfortunately the bold ideas that are in all of our heads don’t manifest themselves as successes through telepathy. Only through physical action does anything in this world get accomplished. I mean really, there’s nothing that should stand in the way of you taking a certain idea or desire and making it reality except yourself. We get in the way of ourselves. People let insignificant obstacles become significant all on their own. The tendency to do so is apparently part of human nature, so I think it’s important to always be on guard.

Nothing is going to get done without you doing it. Genius! I always think about Jack Black in Orange County, telling his brother Shaun - “I’m going to do something with my life. Yeah man. I got these ideas . . . I don’t know, like a t-shirt that says “LOSER”. That shit would sell. You know the guy that started Stussy? He started that in his garage, now he parties with models. He gets to party 24/7 in Hawaii.”

That’s not a direct quote but it’s the gist of it. The point I want to make is Jack Black’s character is just a drugged out dude sitting on his parents couch, worried about his parole officer and whatever else. But there isn’t much of a difference between the idea he talks about (selling shirts) and the on the guy that seriously did start Stussy had once. The guy that started Stussy just woke up the next morning and started getting shirts together, got a printer, registered a business and started looking for a way to sell his stuff.

Every group of people I’ve ever been around sits around the campfire and talks about grand plans and ideas. Some are about business, other’s are about trivial stuff like having a themed party or going on a trip or starting a bowling team. Most of them never happen. Why? Because talk is cheap motherfucker. Whatever gap exists between what you want to get done and accomplishing it - chalk it up to ignorance, fear, comfort, risk (ok, it’s always fear of some kind) - either you get past that by creating action or the idea fizzles away.

Yes it’s as simple as filling out a form. Yes it’s as simple as reading. Yes it’s as simple as asking some friends to go in with you. Just do it MJ, just do it. Otherwise the moment just passes you by. You won’t get to bowl with your friends and you sure won’t get to party in Hawaii 24/7. Move!

P.S. I quoted DMX, My Best Friend’s Wedding and Red Jumpsuit Apparatus in this post. But I still said something useful I think. God bless them all. They inspire me.

Right up there with starting a paper route and opening a lemonade stand, starting a lawn mowing business is a good ole American display of ingenuity usually reserved for the neighborhood kids. The funny thing is, I’ve heard stories through the years of people making a really good living off lawn care. Obviously the companies handling the vast corporate lawns adjacent to our highways are bringing in some $$. But with the right marketing plan and a willingness to get off your ass and work, it’s a commendable project for any entrepreneur. Read about successful lawns in St. Louis here.

You can laugh all you want about it, wonder how serious I am really being when I say this, but consider some of the upsides of having a lawn care company. First of all, it’s a service that just about everyone needs/wants, and they do so on a weekly basis here in St. Louis. The American Dream didn’t come with a turf lawn or a paved one (That would be cool though). Old people are obsessed with their lawns and their plants and their gardens. Take their money.

Doing lawn care work is also generally low-skill. You don’t have to interview potential employees based on their college degree or GPA. You just need people that will work hard and work fast. The business is also hyper-local, and you can bring in some serious cash inside a very small area. Sell to the area you know best. You live in it. That’s an advantage for sure.

It’s also something you can put an ample amount of time into and still have a regular full-time job. Cut, aerate and fertilize on the weekends. Or perhaps in the early morning or early evenings on weekdays. And for another kicker, you can typically get paid in cash. I hear that can be beneficial when you logon to Turbo Tax each year.

So while I’m generally an internet entrepreneur-type, I’d be more than happy to be running a lawn care biz any time. My boy Tim is even using the lawn care SERPs to supplant his business and it’s working well. Maybe there’s a chance to cash in for ranking #1 for ’st. louis lemonade stand’ after all.

I think the most important takeaway is to consider that a lot of budding entrepreneurs out there spend too much time worrying about finding an innovative idea to make them rich. Re-inventing the wheel is all good, but you don’t have to do that to become rich. You don’t have to do that to do something commendable. Maybe you’ve got a new twist or a slick marketing angle, but most successful businesses are still at their core something very traditional. Lawn care, financial services, retail items. It might not make headlines, but headlines don’t buy beach condos or early retirement. Cash does.

Is anyone really extraordinary? Aside from our closest of kin, who play such instrumental roles in our daily lives, it seems like every other outward human act has been cheapened and overplayed in our world.

On a local scale, the children inside our formative schools are given lavish praise (and the accompanying bumper stickers) for average schoolwork. They are held back from dodgeball but never ‘held back’ a grade. Don’t fuck with our kids’ self-esteem the parents cry. It’s all they have in the world.

Just the same, everyone has an old teacher or an old coach that would swear to this day that their old star was the most gifted human on Earth. If the Earth is the size of your zip code that is. And we are all just as guilty, the once star pupils, who over a glass of wine or beer couldn’t think of anything more exciting to discuss than our accomplishments in the glory days. “Well yes, friend, that is interesting. But you don’t understand, I was awesome. We did it different where I came from. Let me tell it . . .”

In grander settings reside the men and women who live inside our TV sets, laptops, cell phones, movies and newspapers. Aren’t they extraordinary? I’m beginning to question that more than ever. (Okay, I almost always have. But you’d have to be pretty stupid to not do so now.) With the vigilant media chasing them (read: $$), scandals of cheats and drug users and greedy businessmen are told to America every day.

There’s no shield to hide the ordinary behind anymore, and the self-esteem props only saturate the problem. The visibly ordinary continue to try to fool you into seeing them as extraordinary. The supposedly extraordinary are scrambling to find the vanished shield that once protected the humanness of legends past.

A little more closely I flow . . .

Politics/History.
No space beyond this sentence will be wasted here talking about the foot-tapping senator or BJ Clinton, but you can think about that as part of it. I’m more inclined to discuss the lavish praise placed on contemporary golden boy Barack Obama. I’ve loved the guy from the moment I knew he might run in ‘08, not because of what he might put together in his campaign for policy change but moreso because his election would be a symbolic step for America to me. Since last week’s Iowa caucus, pundits have been praising his speech that night as something of legend. A speech of quality and hope most recently paralleled by a man named King.

I watched that speech and I though it was nice. But it didn’t strike me as anything extraordinary. Am I the one that is numb or does this indifference affect more people? I have an Obama t-shirt in my closet. I’ve never voted but I’ll go stand in line with all those stinky old people in November and pencil him in. I am a fanboy. But he simply sounded like a smart dude who was feeding a bunch of poetic bullshit to the TV cameras. I didn’t hear change in those words. I heard what I expected to hear. Nothing more.

What about the sultans of history, their accomplishments and legacies so often debunked by modern scholars? I think most of us have become aware that the lovey-dovey recounts of American history taught to us in our formative years omit quite a bit of the story. Interesting to consider.

Sports.
Mr. Cratchit we’re going to need more coal for the fire. 3 things here - Obviously steroids is a big speakeasy topic these days. Every record since I was 7 years old in baseball and football seems tainted. These aren’t extraordinary men and heroes to young and old, not completely. They are talented people with some distinctly unnatural advantages. I mean, I don’t really care if they take steroids or not but it does make that hypothetical young lad from 1948, sitting in the stands cheering on Musial or DiMaggio seem lucky. Those athletes could seemingly be special all on their own, without the cloud of drugs hanging over their games and leagues.

Also, if you tune to a lovely American football match in this day you should be prepared to be inundated with hyped up (roid breakfast + disillusioned coach pep talks), uber dudes that upon breaking up a pass, tackling someone in the 1st quarter, or running 2 yards into the end zone untouched will break out in incessant chest bumping and theatrics which may or may not have included a rehearsal. They know they are on TV. Yeah, over 100,000 people have made that same play in the last 30 years (no joke) but they are on top of the world. Ordinary, no sir. They will be trying to get laid off that one play starting tonight and riding that shit out til 2038.

On a somewhat different note, the pervasiveness of corporate interests and advertising in sports makes the experience less special and less something the fan can consider their own. It can be subtle, like with the ads out in right field or along the dasher boards, or it can be ear-ringingly annoying like the sponsorship of the stadiums and bowls or the pop music at every whistle. We’re always reminded it’s a business, not a fairly land of heroes and battles.

Reality TV and UGC. Hell, this blog.
Everyone wants to be a star (gotta get back to the glory days with old teach/coach). Lately, people get to be on television and feel like they are just that. They chase it. They watch it. On the internet, we can upload amateur videos, which don’t even have to be pornographic anymore, for a chance at recognition. The internet makes celebrities. I’ve seen some of their names. Bloggers. The headline game. It’s tiring . . .

Fin.
My attention span is waning at present, but this seemed relevant. I think there’s a lot more to this discussion. On the more playful end are things like Girls Gone Wild, Guitar Hero / Rock Band, iPods, ringtones. The things that make us feel extraordinary but in reality are anything but. Religion. Sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll? It’ll take a lifetime to ponder it all. Meet me at the finish line with Pac and some cheddar, word.

Interview with a Friend is an ongoing feature on TheGreatSuccess.com

This week we have a little pow-wow with No. 5, Jay Buerck.  I think most of you know him as the fellow who much enjoys a good sports match and some on-again/off-again drinking for a side order.  He and I sat down on the virtual couch to see what was up.  Enjoy.

TGS: If you will indulge me, please answer the following riddle . . .

Marching band is:
A. Not a sport.
B. Something that hurts your libido.
C. Pathetic.
D. Exactly what the cool kids do.

JB: Is this a true/false question?

TGS: Please compare and contrast the qualities of the Sony Viaio and a Dell Inspiron 9400 (or similar).
JB: I have never used a Dell Inspirion, but according to reports I heard it is the greatest laptop that the company can buy.  I  myself bought this computer, which by the way, you will never see files from unless I leave the company willingly.

TGS: Last year you had a stroke.  You like golf, but you usually get mad about each and every stroke.  I hear you don’t much like to stroke yourself.  Coincidence?
JB: Actually the stroke happened in May of 2006 and I have been much less passionless.  Of course this could be that you have broken me with your laid back dont give a crap about anything attitude.  As for stroking myself….

TGS: Tell me about your first day at ShowMe Tickets.
JB: I don’t remember much about the first day but I do remember the first week.  I had an individual call me to yell at me because they were stupid enough to pay 3x the ticket price on a Memphis Grizzlies ticket.  He must have been psychic because he called me a cracker.  I mean do I sound that white even on the phone.

TGS: Of all the recent trips we’ve been on, what has been your favorite and why?
JB: I would say the NYC trip.  I remember you, me, and the Brazilian.  I think about the Brazilian every day.

TGS: Would you rather ‘off’ someone or roll up a fresh towel and smoke it?
JB: I would have to go with off someone.  I can’t indulge anymore.

(Editor’s Note: Yeah, I bet.)

TGS: What do you have to say to all the haters out there who keep calling you a mad hater?  You’re right up there with getting your best friend’s girl pregnant and trickin’ the motherfucker into raisin’ it.  Hate on?
JB: Wait, did I just take the red pill?

TGS: “I admit, I took this job because I wanted to get down and shake my rumpf, but I do not believe that this dilemma will be solved by party-ing.”  Would you say that sums up your experience in college?  Think about it - Van Wilder spent 7 years working towards his degree, it alludes to taking a job over going to class, but yet it says it won’t solve the dilemma (getting a degree).  And it’s in an Indian accent, which hints at the co-workers you had.  That’s nutshell quality.
JB: I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Of course, I didn’t have Tim Matheson as a father or a Real World cast member in the waning seconds of his 15 minutes of fame as a friend.

TGS: In less than 22 words, what are your thoughts on the Cardinals for 2008?
JB: Throwin it back to the days of Ozzie Smith and a bunch of crap to fill Augie Busch’s pockets like Dewitt Jr.

TGS: In less than 16 words, what are your thoughts on Mizzou football this year?
JB: Cupcake schedule + Perfect Timing = Historical Season + Unachievable future expectations

TGS: In as many words as you want, what are your thoughts on redheaded Midwesterners that work in online marketing?
JB: Recent reports show that redheads will go extinct one day much like the NHL on ESPN.  Sad days are ahead of us.

TGS: You’ve stated that you will move from our country if a Republican is elected next year.  Or something like that.  What was it again?
JB: I would move if a Republican and with the recent surge to the top of Huckabee that doesn’t seem likely.  I mean we already have one religious nutjob in the office, we don’t need another one who actually thinks he is Jesus.

TGS: You ever going to get those jeans hemmed?
JB: Ask me again in 2 months.

TGS: What was the problem with the ‘07 version of O’Snaps versus the ‘06 version?  We played like shit last year.
JB: I blame it on two things, the loss of Will Ball and the addition of Birk.  Oh, and the game where we let Nolte start the game as pitcher.  That was genius.

TGS: Should we take another crack at it in ‘08?  I feel like people will be busy.
JB: I think we were relegated last year weren’t we?  And my agent won’t allow me to play in anymore League One games, bad for endorsements.

TGS: Southeast MO is neither a boot nor a heel, yet it sucks there.  Why?
JB: Two words, Jet Stream

TGS: Name your 5 most favorite things in the world.
In no particular order:
1. The Wire
2. The Cardinals
3. San Diego
4. Tailgating
5. Going to the gym

TGS: Backscratcher?
JB: We were at the beach, everybody had matching towels….you know the rest

TGS: Word up.  Grow that mustache, this ain’t no peep show.

Try all 3, and give a little love to Lawrence and RateItAll.com with this Peroni widget.

Beer on RateItAll

The ironic t-shirt phrase phase of ‘02-’05 may have come and passed, but I’ve got a nostalgic appreciation for these state shirts I stumbled across yesterday. Either the internet was making me slap happy, or some of these are legitimately funny, especially the probably unintentional misuse of ‘our’ in Wyoming. Take them for what you will . . .

And never forget about your trip to Hermouth, NY.