Have you heard about the home of the free, the land of the brave?  Where there are more TV sets and automobiles than you can shake a drive-thru at?  Well here’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance to purchase your own slice of post-WWII Americana. 

McBride ans Sons is currently offering:

A sleek suburban ranch in the newest development in a ‘booming’ county far from racial minorities and those older strip malls that no one goes to anymore.  We’re talking 3 beds, 2.5 baths, a 2 car garage and a motherfuckin’ cement patio.

The large family (TV) room will comfortably accommodate your bulging wife, children and dog for nightly network programs, as well as up to 8 friends from the office for a ceremonial Sunday football game.  There is carpet throughout the home and it features a partially finished lower level that smells of particleboard.

The fenced backyard is large enough for an aluminum swimming pool and a BBQ pit.  Siding guaranteed not to rot for at least 8 years!  Rockwood schools.  Close to many growing satellite businesses - Edward Jones, Man in a Suit Insurance and 3 local bank branches.

The location is complemented by short drives to Target, O’Charley’s, Deals, Hardee’s, Walgreen’s, Blockbuster, Wal-Mart, Payless, Steak ‘n Shake, Starbuck’s, Old Navy, Bed Bath and Beyond, Home Depot, Chevy’s, OfficeMax, Toys ‘R Us, Best Buy, Costco, Culver’s and Phillips 66 (gonna need a refill, a 72 ounce soda and a ding dong eventually).  If you’re one of those high minded folks there is both a Bread Co. and a Borders nearby.

Many young families have shown interest in this development, citing such reasoning as:

“It’s just really nice to know I can let the kids roam the neighborhood and play.  I don’t have to worry about them congregating in a public park or mingling with people who aren’t of our race or general financial status.”

“We were looking for something a little cheaper and out here we can afford 2,200 sq feet.  After I finished college, I knew I had to get a house or else everyone else would think I was a failure.  I want to thank McBride and Sons for their foresight in developing this farmland and making a handsome profit off of me while I work to pay this bitch off for the next 30 years.”

“I’m really excited about getting into our new home.  We don’t care much for those fruits and moolies that go to museums, restaurants without 360 degrees of parking or any of them students at the university.  This here just fits.”

Also, a community board will be chosen next Fall to handle discussions of a possible playground and/or installing sidewalks.  But really, where you going to walk to?  Simply put, this charming ranch is the perfect place to raise a family to perpetuate urban sprawl and unyielding consumption of energy, consumer items, and land!  Just imagine how good it will feel to tell friends and family that “no one’s gonna tell me what to do with ma property.  This is 63021.”?  Open house this Saturday from 1-3 pm.