Interview with a Friend is an ongoing feature on TheGreatSuccess.com

This week we have a little pow-wow with No. 5, Jay Buerck.  I think most of you know him as the fellow who much enjoys a good sports match and some on-again/off-again drinking for a side order.  He and I sat down on the virtual couch to see what was up.  Enjoy.

TGS: If you will indulge me, please answer the following riddle . . .

Marching band is:
A. Not a sport.
B. Something that hurts your libido.
C. Pathetic.
D. Exactly what the cool kids do.

JB: Is this a true/false question?

TGS: Please compare and contrast the qualities of the Sony Viaio and a Dell Inspiron 9400 (or similar).
JB: I have never used a Dell Inspirion, but according to reports I heard it is the greatest laptop that the company can buy.  I  myself bought this computer, which by the way, you will never see files from unless I leave the company willingly.

TGS: Last year you had a stroke.  You like golf, but you usually get mad about each and every stroke.  I hear you don’t much like to stroke yourself.  Coincidence?
JB: Actually the stroke happened in May of 2006 and I have been much less passionless.  Of course this could be that you have broken me with your laid back dont give a crap about anything attitude.  As for stroking myself….

TGS: Tell me about your first day at ShowMe Tickets.
JB: I don’t remember much about the first day but I do remember the first week.  I had an individual call me to yell at me because they were stupid enough to pay 3x the ticket price on a Memphis Grizzlies ticket.  He must have been psychic because he called me a cracker.  I mean do I sound that white even on the phone.

TGS: Of all the recent trips we’ve been on, what has been your favorite and why?
JB: I would say the NYC trip.  I remember you, me, and the Brazilian.  I think about the Brazilian every day.

TGS: Would you rather ‘off’ someone or roll up a fresh towel and smoke it?
JB: I would have to go with off someone.  I can’t indulge anymore.

(Editor’s Note: Yeah, I bet.)

TGS: What do you have to say to all the haters out there who keep calling you a mad hater?  You’re right up there with getting your best friend’s girl pregnant and trickin’ the motherfucker into raisin’ it.  Hate on?
JB: Wait, did I just take the red pill?

TGS: “I admit, I took this job because I wanted to get down and shake my rumpf, but I do not believe that this dilemma will be solved by party-ing.”  Would you say that sums up your experience in college?  Think about it - Van Wilder spent 7 years working towards his degree, it alludes to taking a job over going to class, but yet it says it won’t solve the dilemma (getting a degree).  And it’s in an Indian accent, which hints at the co-workers you had.  That’s nutshell quality.
JB: I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Of course, I didn’t have Tim Matheson as a father or a Real World cast member in the waning seconds of his 15 minutes of fame as a friend.

TGS: In less than 22 words, what are your thoughts on the Cardinals for 2008?
JB: Throwin it back to the days of Ozzie Smith and a bunch of crap to fill Augie Busch’s pockets like Dewitt Jr.

TGS: In less than 16 words, what are your thoughts on Mizzou football this year?
JB: Cupcake schedule + Perfect Timing = Historical Season + Unachievable future expectations

TGS: In as many words as you want, what are your thoughts on redheaded Midwesterners that work in online marketing?
JB: Recent reports show that redheads will go extinct one day much like the NHL on ESPN.  Sad days are ahead of us.

TGS: You’ve stated that you will move from our country if a Republican is elected next year.  Or something like that.  What was it again?
JB: I would move if a Republican and with the recent surge to the top of Huckabee that doesn’t seem likely.  I mean we already have one religious nutjob in the office, we don’t need another one who actually thinks he is Jesus.

TGS: You ever going to get those jeans hemmed?
JB: Ask me again in 2 months.

TGS: What was the problem with the ‘07 version of O’Snaps versus the ‘06 version?  We played like shit last year.
JB: I blame it on two things, the loss of Will Ball and the addition of Birk.  Oh, and the game where we let Nolte start the game as pitcher.  That was genius.

TGS: Should we take another crack at it in ‘08?  I feel like people will be busy.
JB: I think we were relegated last year weren’t we?  And my agent won’t allow me to play in anymore League One games, bad for endorsements.

TGS: Southeast MO is neither a boot nor a heel, yet it sucks there.  Why?
JB: Two words, Jet Stream

TGS: Name your 5 most favorite things in the world.
In no particular order:
1. The Wire
2. The Cardinals
3. San Diego
4. Tailgating
5. Going to the gym

TGS: Backscratcher?
JB: We were at the beach, everybody had matching towels….you know the rest

TGS: Word up.  Grow that mustache, this ain’t no peep show.