Interview with a Friend takes a run on the wild side this week, coming to you live from Key West, FL and Spring Break ‘08 (Year of Nate). Taking time to nustle up on the sand with us for a little talkie-talkie this time around is Bryan Rahn, a man who knows a thing or two about intimate one-on-one conversation. Uh-huh . . . conversation.

TGS: I’ve got a lot to say to you . . .
BR: I Notice your eyes are always glued to me. Keeping them here, and it makes no sense at all.

TGS: What do you think of the infamous, lawless land of Key West so far? Bout time you jumped on the bandwagon, only 48 years left of this.
BR: Let’s be honest, in my condition it’s probably more like 8 years left. But Key West has provided me with a weekend of sunshine, excess booze and lots of male nakedness. I was disappointed to find that apparently the 55 Vodka Red Bull tradition was replaced with 55 baskets of peel and eat “shrimps.”

TGS: I’m personally offended that Jarad Lanham is not in attendance this year. As “Karad” mania engulfs the nation’s attention, we sit here sans a founding member of the trip.
BR: He is a changed man. It’s a different trip without him tackling the Wild Turkey creature, but let’s face it. Without Kara, Jarad would probably be living in a dumpster.

TGS: I notice you’ve quickly been revamping your wardrobe out of the dark ages into a fashion-chic, skate/mid-range denim and striped top montage. What is at the center of your style?
BR: Call it where Junior High meets young executive. I like to consider myself to be an older version of the Tom Kissell Holliser. Sort of Nate’s GQ style on a budget. Like if I were in Junior High and worked at the mall, for example. Don’t worry though, I still have all my straight legged jeans, plaid button up short-sleeve shits and black boots for when they come back in style. Still, I don’t even wear high end denim.

TGS: It’s kind of the silent, yet visible manifestation of a revolutionized man isn’t it? I could drop a pic on this post from the ‘05 tailgate with a current photo of yourself and you would see a new man.
BR: Did you ever stop to ponder that mayhaps you all changed your style to match mine over the years and I didn’t change at all? Like in Jerry’s bizzaro world? No, that can’t be it. But I have so many people to thank for this. Just know that as I traverse the world, I carry a little piece of each of you with me. Seriously.

TGS: You’re an accomplished gambler and bookie. I myself owe my growing talents in roulette, craps and apparently Blackjack, to your wisdom. Give me some odds on these things below.
BR: 1. Deepak will eat 16 pieces of pizza tomorrow night. 3:1 - Though it is pronounced – PEE-zah.
2. Brant will name his 2nd child “Ron”. 1000:1. Jen never lets him name his kids after me.
3. You will move to Phoenix inside of 2 years. 2:1. And not just for the weather.
4. Big Joe, Nolte and Brant will start to recruit an “All-Balding” flip-cup team for tailgate ‘08. 4:1. And Donkey will shave his head in a feeble attempt to be accepted by anyone, at anytime, for any reason.
5. Brant over you in the first round (by TKO) of the coming pre-Special Olympiks V boxing match. Not sure what that’s about, Vegas has me as a 2:1 favorite.

TGS: Lollipop, lollipop coming up. Backscratcher. Bougeois, schwougeois.
BR: Apple Bottom Jeans. Sand Sniz. Muffdive?

TGS: Have you accomplished your goal of befriending women from each state and country yet? Which ones do you have left to check off?
BR: Lately I’ve hit the Eastern Bloc countries hard. I’m not sure if all of them are even countries anymore. I am well known around the Pacific Rim, and I terrorized the ladies of the south not long ago. Unfortunately the World Health Organization got word of my floozing and shit that shit down. I’m afraid I never really made it to Big Sky Country. Or the dark continent.

TGS: Name every team in the Mountain West conference.
BR: I cycled thru this just the other day. Also made it thru the Sun Belt and the Colonial before go time. I bet you’ve been impressed with the San Diego Toreros lately? Proud members of the West Coast conference.

TGS: What is your favorite memory of you and I, non-sexual?
BR: Does the bath circa Vegas ‘05 count? I found that comforting in a non-sexual way. If not then Vegas ‘07 when we robbed Bellagio and the Red Sea parted for us to go to the club where I did work. Then Big Joe bought a girl a Mandarin Vodka and Coke. Classy. This was followed by Clint telling Kristi – “You tell me what he’s doing? He sure as hell isn’t checking her for ticks.”

TGS: Talk to me a little about the old country. I know it was cold, but there had to be some hot moments. What did the cool kids do up in MN? Personal biases aside, I can’t imagine they were all in the band.
BR: It’s true. Most of the cool cats in the Great State of Minnesota get drunk and crash their snowmobiles into each other. Then they sink their pick ups in the lake because they thought ¼ inch of ice would hold it when they try to ice fish. Not too swift the Northerners. Hot Moments? Most of those took place in the back of a ‘94 red For Taurus. It’s a reasonable and practical family sedan.

TGS: Peak or valley?
BR: Life is all about peaks and valleys. This trip: Standing in line like poor people - Valley. Vodka Rocks – Peak. Flying commercial like poor people – Valley. Sunshine – Peak. Getting kicked of the beach and hotel within 1 hour - Valley. Ironing – Peak. Scavenging for scraps of food like pheasants – Valley. Fat Tuesday’s – Peak. The Dragon – Peak.

TGS: What does everybody get at Bangkok?
BR: Brant - Number 2, chicken, no onions at a 4. (He’s never met a vegetable he likes)
Brittany – Number 1, chicken, no peanuts, at a 2. (She will eat only two bites max)
Dipps – The special. (Sandwiched between jokes about Cablelesschick)
Cullen – Number 1, chicken, no peanuts at a 3. (I am not fully sure he embraces the Cock however.)
Nate – 15, chicken, 3. (This will be inhaled in 3.7 minuets flat)
Burcheck – Whatever Nate got. (He will also be wearing the same shirt, jeans and shoes and talking about his new favorite sport, hockey and the sweet goal Arsenal had on Fox Soccer Channel last night.)

TGS: Since you are a long-time Columbia local, humor me and tell me where the drink spots are on each night of the week. You can add any notes about said nights as well.
BR:
M – If I am forced to sit thru an insufferable ‘date nite,’ Monday night works well because there is no chance anything else is going on. I can use this opportunity to booze at dinner well she tells me how sophisticated she is. Yeah Right.
T – Tuesdays have a $1 bottle scent, a hip hop beat and a Russian feel.
W – Wednesdays I try to trick Nate into a sushi and sake nite. I am very good at this. Sake is the life water.
H – Jay Blue Jay and I have taken over for From and become Big 12/Tonic Thursday regulars. I just showed up to the party 7 years too late. But yeah, that’s right, they know us by name. Or at least the Southwest Visa card. I’m kind of a big deal.
F – Getting tanked at Studio 54, Las Vegas, Nevada
S – If it is not a tailgate, you will find me bellied up at the pub circa 5pm. I usually let Matt “The Biggest” Wanerski make the call here. I pretend I don’t want to go to the Vu with him, but secretly I demand it.
S – Even I don’t drink on the Sabbath. Ok that’s a lie. I booze lonely and by myself in my crappy apartment while I cry myself to sleep.

TGS: In the old SEGA days, who was better - You or Burcheck?
BR: I worked him all over the ice back then, and I will today. He usually blamed this on his (and only his) controller not working. We would switch, the result was the same, Calgary by 2.

TGS: As a player, you brought the body every night for the Senators. 5-time Norris Trophy winner.
BR: I am a notorious blue liner. If you sake into the zone with your head down, I’m going to deck you.

TGS: No no Danny? Thank you Danny?
BR: Yes thanks, I know.

TGS: Solve this math problem: 4 x 200 x 10 + 8.
BR: Oh ha, ha. The number of gin and tonics I drank in Key West plus the number of chicks I slept with while on the Island. Very funny. Dick. (Editor’s Note: The answer is “BOOB”).

TGS: Right on right on. Time to hit the old Flats -> Tuesdays -> Rick’s routine I say. Cheers from Florida dear readers. We’ll hit the Chopin for you.
BR: Agreed. I need to find someone to HH with. Let me close with a question for TGS. Recently you spent 9 of 11 days witnessing first hand the life of a nomadic, alcohol ridden lifestyle. Describe your experience in intimate detail.

TGS: Well I don’t think it would be proper for such a renowned blog to get into intimate details about a near-2 week likefest that involved a lot of heavy petting, licking, back rubs and airport spooning. When we were in that little plane from Ft. Myers it could have all ended and the one true regret would’ve been not having the materials to play Up-Down-Red-Black as we crashed into the Everglades. And I’m still impressed you didn’t drop your plate at the Wynn buffet. That was not a man, it was a disaster.