Here in the land of Missouri we are currently about 3 days away from being in the midst of one of the most exciting times of the year - tailgate season. As much as I’d like to make a valiant effort at writing a blog about inspirational living or making one of them internet websites, I must pay homage to the tailgate lord. For the past 4 or 5 years, tailgating down in Columbia has been a whole lot of fun and it’s become tradition for me and all ‘ma’ friends. Not even just a tradition, but more like an institution. Therefore I give you, dear reader, 13 Reasons Why I Love Tailgating:

1. Dedication - To tailgate our way you have to have one thing and one thing only - Dedication.

2. Crisp mornings - While September tailgates usually bring warmth and sunshine, the later in the year it gets the more crisp the morning air at 7 am. The perfect feeling I conjure up in my memory when I think of tailgating has always been the cool October morn, myself and the other true tailgaters standing in a circle, shivering, holding some kind of drink, smiling on the outside yet utterly confused on the inside.

3. My esteemed partner, Tom Nolte - Echoes of our 2003 debut still haunt the hills of South Providence. When your grandchildren turn to you and say, ‘Grandpa, did you tailgate when you were younger?’ You will inevitably draw up memories of 2005 when Tom and I went on a rampage and won 10 quarters games in a row, Could we stand? Barely. Did we really even need to? Probably not. We are tailgating bitch, we are the heart and soul and the stars of the show. Before we came on the scene it was just a few guys in a tent calling Ticketmaster at 8 am.

And yes I’m trying to stir up more fodder for our matches with the Bukowskys this year. 11-1. 11-1.

4. A Coming Together - Throughout the tailgate season, friends and relatives from near and far always make an appearence. It’s always cool to see old Columbiates return to the land of their youth (I guess that’s me now), as well as all the esteemed guests we have that come in from faraway lands. Pak and Mango come back, Jeff Coyle flew in last year. That Big Joe character likes to make an appearence. The Silverback shows up once a year and mans the grill. Only the tailgate can draw them all in.

5. The Bukowskys - I probably should have seen this coming back when I was a freshman and I heard this guy yell my name in the walkways at Faurot. I turn and look to see Brock and Brant stumbling around with a few other people, drunk off their ass, and they’re like “Heeeyy”. That’s about all it was, but it foreshadowed what has become a Golden Era in tailgate history. If I say that Tom and I are the heart and soul of a true tailgate, these fellas are the architects and the gods on high. They bring the people together and put on a show that you can’t get anywhere else in the US and A, and for that we are all thankful. They’re also my favorite opponent in any ill-conceived, trivial game of skill involving alcohol. Remember the “hold the cups between your crotch and throw a quarter” game? Only the Bukowskys would’ve welcomed that challenge. I am humbled by their love for the tailgate and all they have imparted on us followers about the ways of the modern man. Cheers.

6. The Grill - On the regular I am generally a fairly healthy eater. Some might say I’m a “gay healthnut” or “hippie”, and I deserve it. But outside of a tipped-over plastic cup, the grill is the epicenter of the tailgate. Donkey flipping burgers, hot dogs, Boca chickens, eggs, sausage and pepper sandwiches. We do it up. And who could forget the masterful skill of Brian Hall? That guy could make a burger. The grill, it’s integral.

7. The Competition - Sometimes it seems like this is the only reason we go to all the trouble of getting up early and stocking the tailgate - to yell derogatory comments at each other from somewhere between 3 feet (flip cup) and 21 feet (washers) away. Some games are stupid, some are legendary, but overall they are low-skill and high-intensity and everyone involved would make you think it’s Game 7 of the Stanley Cup. It’s awesome. Bring on the Med School.

8. Keeping the World Guessing - Our tailgating escapades have moved around from location to location the last few years, but we continue to try and make the heads of passer-by turn and look at us in astonishing fashion. A few years ago, one may have peered over and wondered exactly why a bunch of grown men were sleeping in a tent along Providence with a few kegs to keep them warm. It was only Friday of course. Or perhaps the boom-box touting crew of 2005, featuring a 2 on 2 match of quarters with one team wearing blindfolds may have drawn stares. How about an impromptu kickball game? Or a kid body-surfing a hill on a blazer? 5 guys dressed in Halloween costumes? NARF on the sidewalk? And I can’t wait til this year when 20 people are hovered around a championship Wii bowling match on the back of a trailer. Keep ‘em guessing.

9. The Crew - Shoutouts to everyone that is a staple of the core team of tailgaters. My aforementioned partner and the Bukowskys, the Donk, Mr. Rahn, Burcheck, Andy, From . . . even the typical visit from Koko and the First Aid group. You know Dipps will come late. Jarad might bring the dogs. These people you can depend on.

10. The Consistency - Like I said, if there is a home football game you can be damn sure there will be a strong showing from our tailgating crew. People are chastised beyond remorse for showing up 2 hours late, let alone missing a weekend. Points are given out for playlist additions based on attendance, and trust me, mental scoresheets are kept by all the diehards on who is showing true spirit and who comes up lame (cough . . . ahem . . . TOM NOLTE. . . 2006 . . . )

11. The Lineup - Back in the earlier years, our tailgate spot was a good 1/2 mile from the stadium. And for some stupid reason, I used to go into the games. Now that we are closer (generous financial donation anyone?) and I have wised up, the lineup is but a relic. But oh how it would help pass the time as we trekked up the hill towards Faurot. 3 beers, check. Starting on left wing?

12. Our spot.

13. The Quotes - Perhaps you will enjoy those found here, and there are many more.

Eye-appealing titles aside, most of all I love the camraderie of the tailgate and how it has become such an important event. I love looking ahead at the calendar and knowing that there will be a group of guys ensuring that they will be nowhere else, doing nothing less, than tailgating come those blessed Sept/Oct morns. I have high hopes for 2007 my friends, and if your last name starts with a B-U-K I suggest you send back that “How to Throw Washers While Drunk - by Vince Coleman” DVD and send home the personal trainer you hired. The day of reckoning is near.

R-8 represent.